29 August 2013

What's next? Cops and firefighters writing letters politely asking serial arsonists not to burn buildings?

Isn't the very fact that they asked pretty disturbing?

Hey... ummm... excuse us, Mr. President sir? Could you please, you know, maybe, ummm... consult us about that war thing? You know that whole "Constitution" thing? The one you swore to protect and defend? You see, we think we remember seeing this bit in Article One — somewhere around Section Eight maybe — about us being the ones to declare a war.

We don't want to be rude or anything, it's just that this seems an awful lot like a war to us, what with the firing missiles into another nation and all. And that's sort of our thing. Declarations of stuff, not the rockets. Most of us honestly don't even know which end you're supposed to point at the other guy.

So you know, you're not too busy giving speeches or working on your fantasy football draft, could you maybe, perhaps, if you get a minute, please consult with us? Because if you don't, we're going to have to... well... write another letter I guess.

Yeah! We're gonna write another letter. But this one will be slightly angry. Mostly still polite, but you can count on their being a minor undercurrent of hostility. Maybe not hostility, per se. But definitely some prickliness. Because of the whole "violating the constitution which you solemnly swore to uphold" issue.

That's sort of a big deal. Well, it's a medium sized deal. A deal of some size, anyway. Maybe not as big of a deal as what Roger Clemens was injecting into his acne-scarred ass cheeks. We spent ages worrying about that. Can you imagine if we paid that much attention to a potential war, or passing a budget, or actually writing legislation instead of passing everything off on you guys over in the executive branch to hash out? Ha! We wouldn't have any time left to hustle for donations or get in front of a TV camera. What a mess that would be.

Where were we... uh... oh! Yeah, the letter situation! We really don't want to have to write another letter. So maybe just, you know, ask us next time? Or at least pretend to? All we really get to do over here on the Hill is talk about stuff, and this would make for some great kabuki Democracy in Action!™.

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