Chronicle of Higher Education | "Ed Dante" | The Shadow ScholarHe divides his customers into three camps: the lazy rich, those who don't know English, and the utterly incompetent.
I do a lot of work for seminary students. I like seminary students. They seem so blissfully unaware of the inherent contradiction in paying somebody to help them cheat in courses that are largely about walking in the light of God and providing an ethical model for others to follow. I have been commissioned to write many a passionate condemnation of America's moral decay as exemplified by abortion, gay marriage, or the teaching of evolution. All in all, we may presume that clerical authorities see these as a greater threat than the plagiarism committed by the future frocked.
With respect to America's nurses, fear not. Our lives are in capable hands —just hands that can't write a lick. Nursing students account for one of my company's biggest customer bases. I've written case-management plans, reports on nursing ethics, and essays on why nurse practitioners are lighting the way to the future of medicine. I've even written pharmaceutical-treatment courses, for patients who I hope were hypothetical.
I, who have no name, no opinions, and no style, have written so many papers at this point, including legal briefs, military-strategy assessments, poems, lab reports, and, yes, even papers on academic integrity, that it's hard to determine which course of study is most infested with cheating. But I'd say education is the worst. I've written papers for students in elementary-education programs, special-education majors, and ESL-training courses. I've written lesson plans for aspiring high-school teachers, and I've synthesized reports from notes that customers have taken during classroom observations. I've written essays for those studying to become school administrators, and I've completed theses for those on course to become principals. In the enormous conspiracy that is student cheating, the frontline intelligence community is infiltrated by double agents. (Future educators of America, I know who you are.)
The instructions he gets from his clients are frighteningly inept. If you can't even construct an email with instructions for what you want, how could you ever create the paper yourself? How are you even in school? Here's one: "You did me business ethics propsal for me I need propsal got approved pls can you will write me paper?"
Related to the English as a Second Language clients, I'm all for people comign here to study from other countries. It's good for them and for us. But if you don't speak English well enough to even describe what your assignment is you need to reconsider studying here. And universities need to reconsider letting such people study here.
I know a lot of students in my department who not only can't communicate their ideas in written English after several years of residence, and not only can't shoulder any of the TA load, and not only can't participate in class discussions, they can't tell you what floor they're going to when you're in an elevator with them.