03 September 2009

Tales from the Grocery

I decided last night that the quality of my evening would be vastly improved by re-purposing some left over salmon into leftover salmon tacos. A little red onion, some avocado, cilantro, hot sauce... that's the ticket. The sticking point was a distinct lack of tortillas in the SB7 pantry. Luckily, this is a problem easily surmountable by a quick trip to the grocer's, so off I went.

After a minor encounter with a bitchy and territorial deli patron, I manage to gather my tortillas and assorted other provisions and enter one of the self-checkout lines. As I'm scanning my comestibles, I sense a guy behind me giving me the hairy eyeball in the mode of hurry-up-already-I-have-places-to-be. Now I'm pretty quick with the scanner, and I'm going at a good clip, but this guy is still right on top of me, fidgeting, pacing in place. It could not be any more obvious that this guy wanted to finish checking out and leave the store immediately if he was wearing a shirt that said "I want to finish checking out and leave the store immediately." I go about concluding my business as quick as I can, but I'm just thinking dude, chill out, I'll be done when I'm done. And Lo! Soon enough, I am done, and I move down to the bottom of the belt to start bagging my goodies. As I'm bagging, I see Fidgety Man's purchases start coming down the belt after me. Here's the entirety of his purchase: one packet of M&M brand candy coated chocolates, one Hershey's brand chocolate bar, and one four pack of at-home pregnancy tests.

My first thought was They come in four packs? How redundant do you need to be? My second though was Ah! That explains the fidgeting and nervousness and impatience! Fidget on future-father-guy, fidget on.

For the hell of it, here's a tenuously related comic from Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal:


  1. They come in four packs? How redundant do you need to be?

    You use one. And then use another, to double-check.

    Or at least, that's what Redneck Maryland Women do.

  2. Double checking I can totally understand. Quadruple checking caught me a little off guard.

    I guess I was more surprised not that some people want to quadruple check, but that enough people want to that it's efficient for the maker to package four tests together. Apparently there are a lot of people who find it inconvenient to buy two two-packs?

    Maybe I'll understand when I'm the guy fidgeting in line in the grocery store holding the jumbo pack of pregnancy tests.